I'm all about not judging a book by it's cover. What matters to me is who a person is, not what she/he looks like or comes from. My relationship with my mate is one the standard society considers to be an alternative lifestyle. I'm accepting of everyone as long as they aren't candidates for the Hall of Douchebags or insufferable bitches, so I admit I consider myself fairly unprejudiced.
That self-view was challenged the other day when a friend confessed that she was in a Dom/Sub relationship in which SHE was the sub.
He was an abusive asshole taking advantage of her. How dare he TRAIN her? When the fuck did we end back in the 50's where the good little woman flits around doing the man of the house's bidding? Didn't she know she was worth more than that? How could she let a man put her in any kind of position where there's violence? Give me 5 minutes with this man and I'd show him what a REAL dominant is.
I'd fucking beat his ass black and blue.
It was at this point the realization hit me. I'm a prejudiced bitch. I was fine with a Dom/Sub relationship just as long as the woman was the Dom. I despised the idea of any woman underneath a man's heel.
We all view life shaded by our experiences, and I have been subjected to several appallingly awful men hellbent on destroying my will and keeping me under their control. So when I heard about a man being in power, my mind automatically took me to viewing it as an abusive relationship. Especially since the only Doms I regularly communicate with are women.
What I had failed to consider was the fact that my friend wasn't forced to obey this man, she had chosen to. Just like my pet puts his heart, soul, mind and body into my control and trusts me to take care of him. While I wouldn't hesitate to punish my pet, I would never cause him harm or allow harm to befall him. Our relationship sometimes can be one giant power struggle, but it's not because either one of us desires to truly hurt the other. I had to recognize that this Dom didn't lack my mindset simply because he was a man.
One of the aspects I love the most about being in an FLR is the absolute love and trust between my pet and I. Yet, this is not exclusive to an FLR. Being a Dom is a huge responsibility. You must care for your Subs needs all while setting the rules and being consistent in upholding them. (Because Subs can be very needy and tend to get very bratty when their needs aren't being met.) It's exhausting at times, but extremely rewarding.
I will end this by saying to my friend who has no idea that she sparked this blog post, I'm sorry. I apologize for instantly trivializing your choice and your happiness by allowing my prejudices to take over. I wish you nothing but the best and thank you for sharing your journey with me.
And if he ever does abuse you, I'll fucking knock his teeth down his throat.