Tonight, while texting with @this503girl, she sent me a picture of a SkinnyGirl cosmetics display in Wal-Mart. It set me off.
Where the fuck does some stuck-up, worthless piece of shit reality TV "star" get off adding to the mountain of already overwhelming societal messages that tell women they aren't pretty unless they are skinny?
Everywhere we turn, there is some spokesperson, model, actor/actress, doctor or goddamn Oprah espousing via one medium or another that we must find our value in a number on the scale. And instead of standing up together and saying, "Fuck you and the bag of bones you rode in on," we turn on one another and whisper about who's packed on a few holiday pounds, the freshman fifteen, never lost the baby weight and OH MY GOD YOU DON'T NEED TO BE EATING FRENCH FRIES YOU FUCKING COW!
I've had enough. I'm tired of living in a culture where every time I go to the doctor I feel like I have to hurriedly explain that I do eat right, if not better than most, and that I'm working hard to take care of myself and have lost weight lately so please don't judge me and why I'm here by the number you see on the scale. Or when I go shopping for clothes feel like I've achieved a personal victory because I'm now an XL instead of a 1X. Or catch my reflection and compare it to the vision I have of myself in my head (which at one point seemed to be permanently stuck on the 16-year-old version of me) and think, "Oh, right. I forgot," and walk away defeated.
Because the sad thing is, when I was the 16-year-old version of me and nearly 80 lbs lighter than I am now, I did not enjoy my reflection then. In fact, I was surrounded by voices telling me I was unacceptable. My parents being the loudest and echoed by the popular girls in school and by what I saw on magazine covers, TV shows, movies, church, successful business women ... it never stopped. If you wanted to be considered pretty, you MUST be skinny. No ifs, ands or buts.
Yet, there was a part of me that believed what the mirror showed me. And the mirror said I was a knockout, easily equal to any beauty queen out there, just with more muscle and stronger curves. And when I closed my door, turned up my music (long live Skid Row, Bon Jovi and Slaughter), I was free to preen, pose and walk the imaginary catwalk my mirrored closet doors created. No matter what my parents said about buying me the stereo I wanted if I'd just lose 20 lbs, or the girls at school who made up nicknames so they could talk about me in front of me, or the Oprah's of the world who celebrated the last diet they were about to fail spectacularly at, I couldn't make what they said about me equal what I saw during those precious moments. I was beautiful. But those were fleeting seconds and my eyes were constantly drawn away by images I could never attain.
And when 20 years passed and I had long since become the fat person they accused me of being, I lamented that I wasted the time when I did have a perfect body worrying about the flaws others tried to give me. Flaws that I internalized and allowed to infect my own value system.
But that's not right. At all. Now that I do not have the perfect 16-year-old body, I have finally found my truth in the mirror. I am a beauty queen, BECAUSE I HOLD MY VALUE IN MY MIND, NOT IN SOMEONE ELSE'S. I look at my reflection and refuse to let my eyes follow the distractions that society would have me define my worth on. I see each stretch mark, fat deposit, thick thighs, cellulite dimple, flabby upper arm and understand that none of those outside attributes make me who I am, nor do they detract from my beauty.
I choose to live a Beauty Queen State of Mind.
And if you come sniffing around trying to take that away from me or any other woman or young girl, you'd better bring backup, because I'm bringing an army of me. And we will fuck your shit up.
Showing posts with label Real Woman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Real Woman. Show all posts
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Friday, December 31, 2010
Resolutions and the Common Denominator
I don't make New Year's Resolutions. Why? Because I have enough daily crap on my plate to contend with, so adding more pressure on myself to do things I already know I need to do doesn't make any sense. Besides, I'm a chronic procrastinator, so I'm sure I'd just push them off until the next year.
My point is, resolutions don't work for me. I don't know anyone whom they do work for. Granted, I can see the appeal of looking at a new year as marking post for a fresh start, however, there is one problem. No matter how long of a list of resolutions you make, or how resolved you feel you are, you are setting yourself up for failure if you forget the common denominator.
You.
We get so excited about making changes that we often disregard digging into the root cause. We think our feelings about facing a shiny, fresh New Year will be enough to carry us through and see our resolutions end in success. Euphoria is a fleeting thing and soon enough, we are faced with reality. And the reality is that if it wasn't important enough for us to do it no matter what time of year it is, we aren't going to do it just because we made a fancy promise to ourselves while drinking champagne and kissing random people ... unless your resolution was to kiss more random people.
So, let's take a look at some of the most popular New Year's Resolutions and dissect why they fail.
1) Losing Weight. I've already seen numerous tweets about people hopping on scales and looking up their BMI to determine just how many pounds they are going to resolve to lose. That's great, but how are you going to do it? Do you have an action plan ... an realistic action plan that doesn't involve getting a 12 week parasite? Even if you do have a fantastic plan in place, have you stopped to look at the reason WHY you are resolving to lose weight? Is it because it's the thing to do? Have you been stockpiling Cosmo and comparing your reflection to the pictures you find? Are there people in your life who are bugging you about looking unacceptable? Do you need to do it for health reasons?
If you don't determine the root cause behind why you WANT to lose weight, or, more importantly, whether or not you really NEED to, you will fail. Sure, you may drop some initial pounds right away, but have you changed what needed to be changed? If you are resolving to lose weight because you are unhappy with yourself, then start by determining how to fix that first.
If you're doing it because everyone else is, then you're just a sheep and you really should find another blog to read.
Without taking a close, hard look at you, the common denominator, you are just going to find yourself in the same place in 365 days.
2) Quitting Smoking. This is a task I would like to accomplish this year, but I am well aware of the fact that making a resolution about it will not cause me to quit. I've "quit" many times before and always come back. To be perfectly honest, the more it becomes taboo, the less I want to quit simply because I refuse to let my freedoms be taken from me. Right now, I have more reasons to keep smoking than I do to quit, so, until I change that about myself, I'm not going to be successful at ceasing to be a smoker.
If you truly want to quit smoking, then sit down and look at all the things you will need to put into place in order to accomplish this goal. Talk with your doctor about it. Research what method has the lowest recidivism rate. Go into it with as much knowledge and contingency plans as you can gather, but remember, you are what will determine if you make it.
3) Finding Love. There is something so inherently wrong to me about making a New Year's Resolution to find love. It's like people want to set themselves up for heartache. I understand wanting to find a mate, however, resolving to find love creates an incomplete picture. This is the biggest area where you need to factor in the common denominator.
Not many of us resolve to be alone. We want companionship. We want a mate. We want a love that defies all others. So what have you done today to be that for yourself? To be that for your friends? Your mate? The search for happiness must first be turned inward if we ever hope to find it. Have you ever tried being in any kind of relationship with a miserable person? I can barely even stand to see their tweets, let alone consider sharing any portion of my life with them.
Pause to reflect on who you are and who you want to be. If you have no idea who you are, then finding love needs to be off your resolution or to do list until you get a clue. Take a look at why your relationships failed in the past and learn from those mistakes. If you refuse to learn from history, then you are doomed to repeat it, no matter how sincere your resolution is.
What I am really getting at is that we can only change what we control and hope to influence what we don't. The only thing you can always control is YOU! If you want a better life, then figure out what it is you're doing to prevent that. Take inventory of what compassion you've shown to others, what restraint you've shown in your own life, what freedoms you've allowed yourself and what areas you have repressed yourself. You are the only constant in every situation in your life, which is actually good news since you are the one in control of you.
As I look back on 2010, it was a very good year in which I followed through on a lot of the changes I needed to make and was blessed with the love of a lifetime. I still have a long way to go in becoming the woman I want to be, however, there will be no New Year's Resolutions for this bitch. I walk forward into 2011 knowing I have the power to change my life and praying for the ability to influence others to find that power within themselves.
My point is, resolutions don't work for me. I don't know anyone whom they do work for. Granted, I can see the appeal of looking at a new year as marking post for a fresh start, however, there is one problem. No matter how long of a list of resolutions you make, or how resolved you feel you are, you are setting yourself up for failure if you forget the common denominator.
You.
We get so excited about making changes that we often disregard digging into the root cause. We think our feelings about facing a shiny, fresh New Year will be enough to carry us through and see our resolutions end in success. Euphoria is a fleeting thing and soon enough, we are faced with reality. And the reality is that if it wasn't important enough for us to do it no matter what time of year it is, we aren't going to do it just because we made a fancy promise to ourselves while drinking champagne and kissing random people ... unless your resolution was to kiss more random people.
So, let's take a look at some of the most popular New Year's Resolutions and dissect why they fail.
1) Losing Weight. I've already seen numerous tweets about people hopping on scales and looking up their BMI to determine just how many pounds they are going to resolve to lose. That's great, but how are you going to do it? Do you have an action plan ... an realistic action plan that doesn't involve getting a 12 week parasite? Even if you do have a fantastic plan in place, have you stopped to look at the reason WHY you are resolving to lose weight? Is it because it's the thing to do? Have you been stockpiling Cosmo and comparing your reflection to the pictures you find? Are there people in your life who are bugging you about looking unacceptable? Do you need to do it for health reasons?
If you don't determine the root cause behind why you WANT to lose weight, or, more importantly, whether or not you really NEED to, you will fail. Sure, you may drop some initial pounds right away, but have you changed what needed to be changed? If you are resolving to lose weight because you are unhappy with yourself, then start by determining how to fix that first.
If you're doing it because everyone else is, then you're just a sheep and you really should find another blog to read.
Without taking a close, hard look at you, the common denominator, you are just going to find yourself in the same place in 365 days.
2) Quitting Smoking. This is a task I would like to accomplish this year, but I am well aware of the fact that making a resolution about it will not cause me to quit. I've "quit" many times before and always come back. To be perfectly honest, the more it becomes taboo, the less I want to quit simply because I refuse to let my freedoms be taken from me. Right now, I have more reasons to keep smoking than I do to quit, so, until I change that about myself, I'm not going to be successful at ceasing to be a smoker.
If you truly want to quit smoking, then sit down and look at all the things you will need to put into place in order to accomplish this goal. Talk with your doctor about it. Research what method has the lowest recidivism rate. Go into it with as much knowledge and contingency plans as you can gather, but remember, you are what will determine if you make it.
3) Finding Love. There is something so inherently wrong to me about making a New Year's Resolution to find love. It's like people want to set themselves up for heartache. I understand wanting to find a mate, however, resolving to find love creates an incomplete picture. This is the biggest area where you need to factor in the common denominator.
Not many of us resolve to be alone. We want companionship. We want a mate. We want a love that defies all others. So what have you done today to be that for yourself? To be that for your friends? Your mate? The search for happiness must first be turned inward if we ever hope to find it. Have you ever tried being in any kind of relationship with a miserable person? I can barely even stand to see their tweets, let alone consider sharing any portion of my life with them.
Pause to reflect on who you are and who you want to be. If you have no idea who you are, then finding love needs to be off your resolution or to do list until you get a clue. Take a look at why your relationships failed in the past and learn from those mistakes. If you refuse to learn from history, then you are doomed to repeat it, no matter how sincere your resolution is.
What I am really getting at is that we can only change what we control and hope to influence what we don't. The only thing you can always control is YOU! If you want a better life, then figure out what it is you're doing to prevent that. Take inventory of what compassion you've shown to others, what restraint you've shown in your own life, what freedoms you've allowed yourself and what areas you have repressed yourself. You are the only constant in every situation in your life, which is actually good news since you are the one in control of you.
As I look back on 2010, it was a very good year in which I followed through on a lot of the changes I needed to make and was blessed with the love of a lifetime. I still have a long way to go in becoming the woman I want to be, however, there will be no New Year's Resolutions for this bitch. I walk forward into 2011 knowing I have the power to change my life and praying for the ability to influence others to find that power within themselves.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Wanton Slut: The Whore Within
Slut and whore are words that carry negative connotations. Women displaying their sexual natures are discouraged by being labeled with these words. I've myself have been hurt by them in the past, however, they are words that can ring of love and freedom.
So, I'll share a little secret with you on how to achieve fulfillment as a real woman in a committed relationship: BE A WANTON SLUT WITH YOUR LOVER!
Sex is meant to be enjoyable for both parties. If you find that you are just going through the motions and hoping that sex is over soon, then it is time for you to perform an honest evaluation of yourself and your relationship. You are doing a disservice to your partner and, more importantly, yourself. Why give away any moments of your life? Especially mind-blowing orgasm moments.
There's nothing wrong with sharing your deepest fantasies with your partner and acting on them together. In fact, you NEED to. Stop being so uptight about acting like a slut and go for it. Face your preconceived notions about what it means to be a good woman and toss being a good girl out the window.
BE NAUGHTY!
When I was preparing for my trip to go spend a week in a hotel room with my man, I bought quite a few pieces of sexy lingerie. I also purchased a Catholic School Girl outfit, (and a flogger, but that's a topic for a whole other post). And I had fun with that outfit. I was a VERY naughty girl.
Because I was with the love of my life and a man I trust above all others I could let all my inhibitions go and be a fucking whore. I have never felt so sexy and powerful in my entire life.
IT'S OKAY TO BE SELFISH!
So many times we are more concerned with our lover's orgasm that we don't demand our own. About 75% of women have never experienced a vaginal orgasm, so get his mouth down there! If he doesn't know how, there are several instructional books, websites or videos for him to learn from. Or have him ask @Pussy_Whisperer. Keep him between your legs until you are thoroughly satisfied. Speak up and tell him what you like, what turns you on, what makes you come. The more explicit and dirtier word choices you use when telling him, the better.
BE A TEASE!
When was the last time you climbed across the table at breakfast to kiss your lover? Get to know your lover's body. Spend time kissing, licking and nibbling on the places that drive him crazy--then walk away. Make him beg. Reward him when he's good with sexual favors. When you're standing in the pasta aisle at the grocery store, kiss him and grab his cock. Keep him guessing you're going to do next. Unfetter your sexual nature and let it out to play.
PERFORM ORAL!
Now, admittedly I am a bit bias on this one because I LOVE performing oral, however, if you expect oral than you need to give it. I know there are a lot of women who don't like to give blow jobs. Really? What can be more stimulating than being in such full control of a man? Take your time and show some enthusiasm. The more you're into it, the more power you will have over him.
The most important thing is to be yourself without limits. The only limits you should have in your relationship are those defined between you and your partner, not ones that society, religion or your upbringing have placed on you. Seek freedom and always remember to have a safe word.
Slut? Whore? FUCK YEAH I AM!
So, I'll share a little secret with you on how to achieve fulfillment as a real woman in a committed relationship: BE A WANTON SLUT WITH YOUR LOVER!
Sex is meant to be enjoyable for both parties. If you find that you are just going through the motions and hoping that sex is over soon, then it is time for you to perform an honest evaluation of yourself and your relationship. You are doing a disservice to your partner and, more importantly, yourself. Why give away any moments of your life? Especially mind-blowing orgasm moments.
There's nothing wrong with sharing your deepest fantasies with your partner and acting on them together. In fact, you NEED to. Stop being so uptight about acting like a slut and go for it. Face your preconceived notions about what it means to be a good woman and toss being a good girl out the window.
BE NAUGHTY!
When I was preparing for my trip to go spend a week in a hotel room with my man, I bought quite a few pieces of sexy lingerie. I also purchased a Catholic School Girl outfit, (and a flogger, but that's a topic for a whole other post). And I had fun with that outfit. I was a VERY naughty girl.
Because I was with the love of my life and a man I trust above all others I could let all my inhibitions go and be a fucking whore. I have never felt so sexy and powerful in my entire life.
IT'S OKAY TO BE SELFISH!
So many times we are more concerned with our lover's orgasm that we don't demand our own. About 75% of women have never experienced a vaginal orgasm, so get his mouth down there! If he doesn't know how, there are several instructional books, websites or videos for him to learn from. Or have him ask @Pussy_Whisperer. Keep him between your legs until you are thoroughly satisfied. Speak up and tell him what you like, what turns you on, what makes you come. The more explicit and dirtier word choices you use when telling him, the better.
BE A TEASE!
When was the last time you climbed across the table at breakfast to kiss your lover? Get to know your lover's body. Spend time kissing, licking and nibbling on the places that drive him crazy--then walk away. Make him beg. Reward him when he's good with sexual favors. When you're standing in the pasta aisle at the grocery store, kiss him and grab his cock. Keep him guessing you're going to do next. Unfetter your sexual nature and let it out to play.
PERFORM ORAL!
Now, admittedly I am a bit bias on this one because I LOVE performing oral, however, if you expect oral than you need to give it. I know there are a lot of women who don't like to give blow jobs. Really? What can be more stimulating than being in such full control of a man? Take your time and show some enthusiasm. The more you're into it, the more power you will have over him.
The most important thing is to be yourself without limits. The only limits you should have in your relationship are those defined between you and your partner, not ones that society, religion or your upbringing have placed on you. Seek freedom and always remember to have a safe word.
Slut? Whore? FUCK YEAH I AM!
Monday, November 15, 2010
What a Real Woman Wants
Recently, my love put up a blog about what a man wants. One of my friends/devoted followers suggested I write the other half. Someone took her to task on using the phrase "real women" so I want to start off by being clear on what I mean. A real woman is someone who is not fake in mind, body or soul. It's not about size, but about the true heart. In other words, a woman who looks to the inside of a person, including herself, and not the outward appearance or trimmings.
What's the first thing a real woman wants in a mate? I'll echo what my love said, for it is true for both sexes. Confidence.
We want a man or woman who is comfortable with his or herself. Someone we don't have to engage in constant ego stroking. Speaking from experience, a man who lacks confidence and focuses on his insecurities is going to fear disloyalty above all else. He sees himself as someone unworthy of his woman, so therefore he is on the lookout for her to cheat. It is exhausting to battle not only the insecurities themselves but also the repetitive accusations. Do this, and you will soon find yourself alone and feeling even more insecure.
Confidence directly correlates with the next attribute a real woman seeks. Goals and the ambition to achieve them.
I'm not talking about what kind of job a man has to have, or what kind of pay he brings home. That's not the true measure of a man. What we're looking for is a man who knows what he wants out of life and isn't afraid to go get it. If all he does is just talk about what he'd like to do and does nothing to get it, then he lacks confidence in himself and the discipline to buckle down and get shit done. This is NOT attractive or desirable. Dreamers are wonderful, but it gets old quick when they refuse to take action. Real women want mates, not a man who needs a mommy.
Strength.
Don't take this to mean physical strength, although that is attractive to most every woman. Strength of character. A strong sense of right and wrong and the ability to stand up for what's right, even if that means standing up to us. Neutered men are not attractive.
Sense of humor.
This is a big one for me. I relate to life through humor most of the time, especially the shitty parts of life, so if you can't laugh at yourself, don't bother. Most of the real women I know greatly value this trait as well.
Intelligence.
This doesn't mean you have to be a doctor or have some fancy initials after your name. Pick up a book and read it every so often though. Know what's going on in the world besides who's playing whom in the Monday night game. Have an opinion and be able to back it up. Don't be threatened by a debate. The biggest thing is keep an open mind. You don't know everything and you never will, so have the intelligence to know when to listen with humility and be willing to learn. If you're intimidated by a real woman's intelligence, go find a hookup online somewhere. There are plenty of females looking to be valued solely based on their plastic surgery looks.
Freedom.
All of the aforementioned attributes lead up to one thing. What kind of freedom does a real woman have when she's with you? Does she feel sexy from the way you look at her? Can she be herself with utter abandon with you? Do you encourage her to succeed at everything she does, no matter the cost to yourself? If you treat a real woman with respect, it will be returned. The more free she is to be herself around you, the more you'll find her wanting to do things, hot, sexy things, just to please you.
One of the things Pussy Whisperer said to me in the beginning of our relationship was, "Let me be your mirror." At first I didn't fully understand what he meant, but now I do. I see myself through his eyes, and I no longer see the glaring flaws that were there before. I see a beautiful, sexy, real woman who is deserving of an amazing mate. The confidence I already have spills out in full force when I'm around him. So much so, that I spent our entire week together strutting around naked in front of him without ever being worried that he'd be put off by me.
If you want a real woman, you need to be a real man (or woman). If your focus is on how big her tits are or what she weighs or what your friends would say if they met her, then you are not what we want. We want a man that will be PROUD to show us off. A man that loves us for our flaws, not in spite of them.
What's the first thing a real woman wants in a mate? I'll echo what my love said, for it is true for both sexes. Confidence.
We want a man or woman who is comfortable with his or herself. Someone we don't have to engage in constant ego stroking. Speaking from experience, a man who lacks confidence and focuses on his insecurities is going to fear disloyalty above all else. He sees himself as someone unworthy of his woman, so therefore he is on the lookout for her to cheat. It is exhausting to battle not only the insecurities themselves but also the repetitive accusations. Do this, and you will soon find yourself alone and feeling even more insecure.
Confidence directly correlates with the next attribute a real woman seeks. Goals and the ambition to achieve them.
I'm not talking about what kind of job a man has to have, or what kind of pay he brings home. That's not the true measure of a man. What we're looking for is a man who knows what he wants out of life and isn't afraid to go get it. If all he does is just talk about what he'd like to do and does nothing to get it, then he lacks confidence in himself and the discipline to buckle down and get shit done. This is NOT attractive or desirable. Dreamers are wonderful, but it gets old quick when they refuse to take action. Real women want mates, not a man who needs a mommy.
Strength.
Don't take this to mean physical strength, although that is attractive to most every woman. Strength of character. A strong sense of right and wrong and the ability to stand up for what's right, even if that means standing up to us. Neutered men are not attractive.
Sense of humor.
This is a big one for me. I relate to life through humor most of the time, especially the shitty parts of life, so if you can't laugh at yourself, don't bother. Most of the real women I know greatly value this trait as well.
Intelligence.
This doesn't mean you have to be a doctor or have some fancy initials after your name. Pick up a book and read it every so often though. Know what's going on in the world besides who's playing whom in the Monday night game. Have an opinion and be able to back it up. Don't be threatened by a debate. The biggest thing is keep an open mind. You don't know everything and you never will, so have the intelligence to know when to listen with humility and be willing to learn. If you're intimidated by a real woman's intelligence, go find a hookup online somewhere. There are plenty of females looking to be valued solely based on their plastic surgery looks.
Freedom.
All of the aforementioned attributes lead up to one thing. What kind of freedom does a real woman have when she's with you? Does she feel sexy from the way you look at her? Can she be herself with utter abandon with you? Do you encourage her to succeed at everything she does, no matter the cost to yourself? If you treat a real woman with respect, it will be returned. The more free she is to be herself around you, the more you'll find her wanting to do things, hot, sexy things, just to please you.
One of the things Pussy Whisperer said to me in the beginning of our relationship was, "Let me be your mirror." At first I didn't fully understand what he meant, but now I do. I see myself through his eyes, and I no longer see the glaring flaws that were there before. I see a beautiful, sexy, real woman who is deserving of an amazing mate. The confidence I already have spills out in full force when I'm around him. So much so, that I spent our entire week together strutting around naked in front of him without ever being worried that he'd be put off by me.
If you want a real woman, you need to be a real man (or woman). If your focus is on how big her tits are or what she weighs or what your friends would say if they met her, then you are not what we want. We want a man that will be PROUD to show us off. A man that loves us for our flaws, not in spite of them.
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