Monday, November 15, 2010

What a Real Woman Wants

Recently, my love put up a blog about what a man wants. One of my friends/devoted followers suggested I write the other half. Someone took her to task on using the phrase "real women" so I want to start off by being clear on what I mean. A real woman is someone who is not fake in mind, body or soul. It's not about size, but about the true heart. In other words, a woman who looks to the inside of a person, including herself, and not the outward appearance or trimmings.

What's the first thing a real woman wants in a mate? I'll echo what my love said, for it is true for both sexes. Confidence.

We want a man or woman who is comfortable with his or herself. Someone we don't have to engage in constant ego stroking. Speaking from experience, a man who lacks confidence and focuses on his insecurities is going to fear disloyalty above all else. He sees himself as someone unworthy of his woman, so therefore he is on the lookout for her to cheat. It is exhausting to battle not only the insecurities themselves but also the repetitive accusations. Do this, and you will soon find yourself alone and feeling even more insecure.

Confidence directly correlates with the next attribute a real woman seeks. Goals and the ambition to achieve them.

I'm not talking about what kind of job a man has to have, or what kind of pay he brings home. That's not the true measure of a man. What we're looking for is a man who knows what he wants out of life and isn't afraid to go get it. If all he does is just talk about what he'd like to do and does nothing to get it, then he lacks confidence in himself and the discipline to buckle down and get shit done. This is NOT attractive or desirable. Dreamers are wonderful, but it gets old quick when they refuse to take action. Real women want mates, not a man who needs a mommy.


Don't take this to mean physical strength, although that is attractive to most every woman. Strength of character. A strong sense of right and wrong and the ability to stand up for what's right, even if that means standing up to us. Neutered men are not attractive.

Sense of humor.

This is a big one for me. I relate to life through humor most of the time, especially the shitty parts of life, so if you can't laugh at yourself, don't bother. Most of the real women I know greatly value this trait as well.


This doesn't mean you have to be a doctor or have some fancy initials after your name. Pick up a book and read it every so often though. Know what's going on in the world besides who's playing whom in the Monday night game. Have an opinion and be able to back it up. Don't be threatened by a debate. The biggest thing is keep an open mind. You don't know everything and you never will, so have the intelligence to know when to listen with humility and be willing to learn. If you're intimidated by a real woman's intelligence, go find a hookup online somewhere. There are plenty of females looking to be valued solely based on their plastic surgery looks.


All of the aforementioned attributes lead up to one thing. What kind of freedom does a real woman have when she's with you? Does she feel sexy from the way you look at her? Can she be herself with utter abandon with you? Do you encourage her to succeed at everything she does, no matter the cost to yourself? If you treat a real woman with respect, it will be returned. The more free she is to be herself around you, the more you'll find her wanting to do things, hot, sexy things, just to please you.

One of the things Pussy Whisperer said to me in the beginning of our relationship was, "Let me be your mirror." At first I didn't fully understand what he meant, but now I do. I see myself through his eyes, and I no longer see the glaring flaws that were there before. I see a beautiful, sexy, real woman who is deserving of an amazing mate. The confidence I already have spills out in full force when I'm around him. So much so, that I spent our entire week together strutting around naked in front of him without ever being worried that he'd be put off by me.

If you want a real woman, you need to be a real man (or woman). If your focus is on how big her tits are or what she weighs or what your friends would say if they met her, then you are not what we want. We want a man that will be PROUD to show us off. A man that loves us for our flaws, not in spite of them.


  1. Could not have put this any better!!! Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

  2. I voiced my comments to you and you still want me to comment. Bitch. =p

    Confidence - yes, absolutely. Very sexy in a man and also goes with the Goals and Ambition to achieve them. I'm a dreamer, but I'm working on achieving that dream of mine, which incidentally, you're interrupting by making me comment. =p

    Strength - for you, perhaps physical strength isn't as important, but for an amazon like me, it absolutely is. You've seen the ex. Not great in the looks department for most women, but the man could pick me up with minimal effort. Very attractive to a girl like me. But yes, inner strength as well, and yes, strength of character is extremely important as I don't care for weak-willed or weak-minded men.

    Sense of humor - a man who can make me laugh every day will have my heart for life bc he has the ability to keep my mind off the struggles in life.

    Intelligence - Definitely. I like debate and like to discuss almost any topic. I respect a man who has an opinion and defends it strongly, even if I don't agree with it completely. I can always see everyone's point of view. Just one of my gifts.

    Freedom - yes. Can I be myself around him? That's very important to me, but I have to be able to be completely myself and sometimes, that isn't pretty. My dark face likes to show itself now and then, but hopefully if I can love a man unconditionally, flaws and all, he can do the same for me. Your man won't agree with me on that one, as I've just read his blog too. But this is where the sense of humor would come in handy, to keep that dark part of me away. LOL

    There. Now go to bed before I have to leave you on the couch for the night. =p

  3. Oh my baby! I love you and you, as always... are spot on! Particularly with the importance of being yourself around someone. Otherwise what is the point? It is ridiculous to be with anyone if you cannot be yourself and therefore, are faking it all, for fake love back.

    I love you my darling baby for your heart and that amazingly brilliant mind of yours. Down the line an exceptional post! Good Girrrrrrrrrrrl.

  4. Yes, I have to agree with you wholeheartedly here.
    For 2 years I was in a relationship with someone who was so insecure, jealous, and so badly needed a mommy. But I was in my late teens/early 20's...I haven't made that same mistake since then. I learned basically everything you said above from that.


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