I'm all about not judging a book by it's cover. What matters to me is who a person is, not what she/he looks like or comes from. My relationship with my mate is one the standard society considers to be an alternative lifestyle. I'm accepting of everyone as long as they aren't candidates for the Hall of Douchebags or insufferable bitches, so I admit I consider myself fairly unprejudiced.
That self-view was challenged the other day when a friend confessed that she was in a Dom/Sub relationship in which SHE was the sub.
I freaked.
He was an abusive asshole taking advantage of her. How dare he TRAIN her? When the fuck did we end back in the 50's where the good little woman flits around doing the man of the house's bidding? Didn't she know she was worth more than that? How could she let a man put her in any kind of position where there's violence? Give me 5 minutes with this man and I'd show him what a REAL dominant is.
I'd fucking beat his ass black and blue.
It was at this point the realization hit me. I'm a prejudiced bitch. I was fine with a Dom/Sub relationship just as long as the woman was the Dom. I despised the idea of any woman underneath a man's heel.
We all view life shaded by our experiences, and I have been subjected to several appallingly awful men hellbent on destroying my will and keeping me under their control. So when I heard about a man being in power, my mind automatically took me to viewing it as an abusive relationship. Especially since the only Doms I regularly communicate with are women.
What I had failed to consider was the fact that my friend wasn't forced to obey this man, she had chosen to. Just like my pet puts his heart, soul, mind and body into my control and trusts me to take care of him. While I wouldn't hesitate to punish my pet, I would never cause him harm or allow harm to befall him. Our relationship sometimes can be one giant power struggle, but it's not because either one of us desires to truly hurt the other. I had to recognize that this Dom didn't lack my mindset simply because he was a man.
One of the aspects I love the most about being in an FLR is the absolute love and trust between my pet and I. Yet, this is not exclusive to an FLR. Being a Dom is a huge responsibility. You must care for your Subs needs all while setting the rules and being consistent in upholding them. (Because Subs can be very needy and tend to get very bratty when their needs aren't being met.) It's exhausting at times, but extremely rewarding.
I will end this by saying to my friend who has no idea that she sparked this blog post, I'm sorry. I apologize for instantly trivializing your choice and your happiness by allowing my prejudices to take over. I wish you nothing but the best and thank you for sharing your journey with me.
And if he ever does abuse you, I'll fucking knock his teeth down his throat.
Showing posts with label pet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pet. Show all posts
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Happiness in Servitude
One of my first questions about an FLR was: What about the man? Can a woman really expect to dominate a man consistently and have him still feel like a man? Is a man seeking this kind of relationship really a true man, or just another man with a sick fetish?
As I entered into the first stages of an FLR with my pet, it became very apparent to me that he was more of a real man than any man I'd ever known. His concern for me and insistence on making everything about me spoke of an achieved maturity and strength that only comes about once in a lifetime--especially in my lifetime. So, there I was trying to reconcile my preconceived notions of males in FLR's with the perfect relationship building between my pet and I.
It wasn't until I began doing research to study what worked for other FLR couples that I noticed an interesting phenomenon. All the males, the slaves, were exceedingly happy. These were men who started their days pleasuring their mates and then working on completing whatever tasks said mates set for them. Coming from a background where my father was the dominant one, I found this all rather odd, but intriguing.
It made me be on the lookout for a great little notebook I could create Pussy Slave To Do lists on. Of course, I'll need to find a matching pen for the complete ensemble first.
Tonight, after beating my slave due to a particularly awful day, it hit me why the sub-males are so happy in FLR's. They know what is expected of them. They are in a relationship structured to remove the guesswork of trying to decipher what a woman is really thinking or wants. There are no weeks, or sometimes years in the case of normal relationship, of subtle hints or games being played. Rules, directives and expectations are all laid out clearly, and males know how to avoid failure. Their energy can instead be spent on getting through their To Do lists (if they have one), offering themselves up as an outlet for aggression or their doms' need for a power trip, or the most important part, worshiping their doms' bodies.
A man's greatest needs are to feel desired, wanted, needed and appreciated. In this instant reward or punishment relationship, my slave knows that he is all of these things to me, including and especially loved. Why? Because I set the boundaries and care enough to hold him to them. He can give me exactly what I need because I tell him what that is. To my pet's absolute credit, he observes and pays attention to the point of anticipating my directives and needs before I am able to verbalize them.
When a person is given the expectations up front and then it is proven those will hold true, you remove a good deal of the fear and dishonesty that destroy relationships. In an FLR, or at least in mine, we find that we feed on one another's honesty. The innate trust built between us, something that happened so quickly it can only be described as destiny, allows for the love that removes all fear.
Unless my pet knows he's going to get beat and that it's going to be really bad. That tends to give him a small twinge of fear, and a large helping of respect for me. Under my control, he is pushed and encouraged to flourish as the amazing man he is, not nagged to death for failing to meet parameters he was never informed of.
Women, if you want your man to not only listen, but also do as you say, look into an FLR. It doesn't mean you have to install chains in your basement and leather straps on every wall surface, just that you are in control. Your number one priority is taking care of your slave, and his number one is to take care of your every want and need; to make you happy.
Tell me that does not sound like heaven.
-Alpha Pussy
As I entered into the first stages of an FLR with my pet, it became very apparent to me that he was more of a real man than any man I'd ever known. His concern for me and insistence on making everything about me spoke of an achieved maturity and strength that only comes about once in a lifetime--especially in my lifetime. So, there I was trying to reconcile my preconceived notions of males in FLR's with the perfect relationship building between my pet and I.
It wasn't until I began doing research to study what worked for other FLR couples that I noticed an interesting phenomenon. All the males, the slaves, were exceedingly happy. These were men who started their days pleasuring their mates and then working on completing whatever tasks said mates set for them. Coming from a background where my father was the dominant one, I found this all rather odd, but intriguing.
It made me be on the lookout for a great little notebook I could create Pussy Slave To Do lists on. Of course, I'll need to find a matching pen for the complete ensemble first.
Tonight, after beating my slave due to a particularly awful day, it hit me why the sub-males are so happy in FLR's. They know what is expected of them. They are in a relationship structured to remove the guesswork of trying to decipher what a woman is really thinking or wants. There are no weeks, or sometimes years in the case of normal relationship, of subtle hints or games being played. Rules, directives and expectations are all laid out clearly, and males know how to avoid failure. Their energy can instead be spent on getting through their To Do lists (if they have one), offering themselves up as an outlet for aggression or their doms' need for a power trip, or the most important part, worshiping their doms' bodies.
A man's greatest needs are to feel desired, wanted, needed and appreciated. In this instant reward or punishment relationship, my slave knows that he is all of these things to me, including and especially loved. Why? Because I set the boundaries and care enough to hold him to them. He can give me exactly what I need because I tell him what that is. To my pet's absolute credit, he observes and pays attention to the point of anticipating my directives and needs before I am able to verbalize them.
When a person is given the expectations up front and then it is proven those will hold true, you remove a good deal of the fear and dishonesty that destroy relationships. In an FLR, or at least in mine, we find that we feed on one another's honesty. The innate trust built between us, something that happened so quickly it can only be described as destiny, allows for the love that removes all fear.
Unless my pet knows he's going to get beat and that it's going to be really bad. That tends to give him a small twinge of fear, and a large helping of respect for me. Under my control, he is pushed and encouraged to flourish as the amazing man he is, not nagged to death for failing to meet parameters he was never informed of.
Women, if you want your man to not only listen, but also do as you say, look into an FLR. It doesn't mean you have to install chains in your basement and leather straps on every wall surface, just that you are in control. Your number one priority is taking care of your slave, and his number one is to take care of your every want and need; to make you happy.
Tell me that does not sound like heaven.
-Alpha Pussy
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